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Memories

 

Memorial created 02-5-2006 by
Lyndie Sorenson
Joey Sorenson
January 5 1982 - July 19 2003

Each day a grieving mom has many thoughts that come to her mind in regard to her lost child. Here are some of mine that I wish to share...

March 11 2006... Yesterday at work there was this young guy working out on the lanai(screened in porch for those that don't know). He was about Joey's age. I caught myself looking at him and analyzing the way he moved, the way he looked, everything about him. I suddenly felt such aching pain within my heart. He had a lot of Joey's mannerisms. All of a sudden I realized my Joey was gone. I lost it and was a puddle on the floor. Sobbing with the reality of my life, my loss, my heartache. Those that think with time that this pain goes away have no clue as to the depth of our sorrow each day. It is when we have something trigger this loss that our reality surfaces again and the scar that we try to cover up each day is exposed again. I suspect my scar to be exposed throughout my lifetime, and my heart to bleed a river of tears.

 

March 20th 2006 I believe in a place....

A place where we are free from pain and sorrow A place where there is truthfully no tomorrows A place to find our children that have left before A place where our spirit will gently soar A place of beauty and tranquility A place where all will have humility A place that we will call Heaven above A place that we will cherish and love

Lyndie Sorenson copyright March 2006

 

Joey... He loved to be the star of the show. He had a magical smile that would light up the room when he walked into it. He loved to make people laugh. He thrived on playing practical jokes. He had an infectious laugh that could make anyone around him start laughing just by being around him. He was a good guy. Loved He-Man. I think he thought someday he would be the next He -Man for he loved to be the good guy fighting evil lol. He was very athletic. Loved football basketball and soccer. He loved weight training. He was really into his body. He would ask me what color he should try on his hair! I would help him decide and help him do it! He was fun!!! He was into himself, and GIRLS. He was wonderful!!!! May 28th 2006

 

Three Years ago, if you had asked me what to say to a parent that had lost their child, I would have been speechless. I would have been just grateful that it was not me who had lost one of my children. As it happened, losing a child, the worst of all of life's tragedies hit home on July 19th 2003. My son Joey had an automobile accident while picking up a friend on Hwy 4 in Orlando, Florida. Nothing in life would prepare me for this horrible journey Since that day I have been approached by so many people and their clueless comments. I have been told, you can't jump in the grave with him, you must get on with your life, it was your sons time, he is in a better place, and GET OVER IT. There have also been comparisons made to my loss. Those that think losing a spouse, sister, brother, or furry friend are equally as hard. Well other than a furry friend I have not lost any family members. If I have learned one thing since my son died, it is not to judge how others handle their loss. We, the parents of children that went before us seem to be judged each and every day. We feel as if we live in another world that doesn't accept how deep this loss is to us. On the flip side we watch as society marks famous people and their deaths. Marilyn Monroe. Elvis Presley, and countless others. It seem rather strange that those people can be remembered on their birthdays or heaven days, but with our children we need to move on according to those same individuals. If it seems that I am a bit bitter I guess you could say I am. I honestly thought there would be a support system within the general public. I found however that the loss of a child is taboo to talk about. As if it is a disease that can be caught. I have also learned that those afflicted with this so called dead child disease are the people I have deeply come to love and need in my life. Brought together by each others tragic loss, that now binds us forever I have changed since losing my son. I am not who I was nor will I ever be. Things that were important to me, now seem meaningless. My surviving children are my focal point, since this tragedy has taken a toll on them as well. No one escapes this awful truth once it hits home Lyndie Sorenson June 24th 2006

 

It seems that as time goes on the longing we have for our children doesn't subside ~It changes. We have somehow become accustom to the fact that no matter how hard we cry, how much we long for them, or how badly our heart aches they are never coming back to us in the physical.

I truly believe that this is when grief changed for me. I went from having hope to being hopeless. I went from longing to be with him, to learning to look for him in other ways. I still find myself drifting off into denial but for the most part it doesn't last long. I think in the beginning I would stay in denial for many days at a time. Not that I wasn't aware that Joey had left, but somehow my mind would not allow me to take it all in at one time. A sort of defense mechanism at work within the human psyche. I think it works in such a way as to shut down the painful~ shocking reality of our loss.

I really don't know why I am going on about this , just feel the need to share these thoughts somewhere. I have no clue whether it even makes the slightest bit of sense to anyone other than myself. Life is what it is now. It is harsh, long, full of sorrow, and filled with the question~IS THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS, (taken from a very wonderful line by Jack Nickleson, in the movie with the same name )

Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through. Much love Lyndie Sept 24 2006

 

Today is your 25th birthday. How is it that you are no longer here with those that love you and need you here with them. I can't express in words how much I long to be with you...

Birthdays come but once a year With them now come many tears Not tears of joy or happiness But tears because you are so missed

The years move on without you now With each year I still do vow To celebrate your special day That is what I'll do today

I'll light the candles on your cake Although inside my heart will ache Remembering birthdays from the past How the years went by so fast

I'll blow the candles out for you Dream of what I wish were true To share this birthday with my son That wish would be my only one

In loving memory of Joey Sorenson Lyndie Sorenson January 2007

 

My dear sweet Joey ... It is your 26th birthday and you are not here to celebrate... How I miss you so... nothing compares to this awful pain I live with each moment of every day... We went to your site today and decorated it for your special day... What a thing to do for a birthday, decorate a grave site... How awful is that... Nothing could be worse... I love you my son, I miss you so very much... How I wish I wish you were here with me Love mom

 

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